How am I feeling?
Well, I'm feeling okay. I think my biggest fear stands that this won't be a heart change, but just a temporary state of mind and once Lent is over I'll revert back to "needing" things. I don't want to go back! I've enjoyed having money in my bank account that just sits there. I'm afraid that without the help of Lent, I'll return to the avid-spender I was...because it seems to be just a natural, instinctive gut reaction to pull out my wallet. I've almost accidentally bought a few things and justified some others. Examples:
-Music from iTunes (oh, I love this song!)
-shereadstruth devotionals (this is for God, I can buy it for God, can't I?)
-stuff from TJ Maxx (this is cute, God wouldn't mind if I just spent $3 on this, right?)
-background music for YouTube videos (I need this for my videos-gag)
-Leadership Architect resources (I need to be a better person, God would want me to be a better person!)
-books (reading is better than shopping, isn't it? ahh, but buying a book is still shopping!)
And I'm sure there have been countless other items I wanted to buy as I weave through each day. I think that's what I'm realizing the most, is how automatic and natural the action of spending money without thinking is. I want music? I buy music. I want this shirt even though I have 3 similar ones? I buy that shirt and stuff it in my closet next to the others.
This time away from shopping, I'm also spending it taking a look at some of the last items I bought pre-Lent—and how little I'm using them AKA how much of an impulse purchase those things were. Books I "needed" to buy right then. Pieces of decor for the house that I didn't know where I was going to put, but I could buy them and figure it out later, and a month later they're still sitting in a place where they shouldn't be because there's no room for them it actually go anywhere.
On the flip side, not being able to buy new things has helped me find value in the things I already have. It's like I've found a deeper appreciation for those things, because if I can't appreciate them now I have another month before I can replace them, so I have nothing but time right now. And living with something for a week makes me see it differently. Not only am I making do with what I have, I'm trying stuff out long enough to realize that I actually like those things and am not reactively buying new things that I think would work better (leading to the problem above).
The biggest challenge—aside from not buying anything—has been not better using the time I should have by giving up online spending. One of my hopes is that since I couldn't look at internet sites like eBay, Amazon, Modcloth, and Jane that I would have more time to spend with God. Has that happened? No! Instead I've spent more time on YouTube, Vine, Snapchat, and Instagram! This is frustrating to me. There's a part of me that wishes I would've combined no-shopping and social media for Lent. I just need to get away from the internet. I need to get away from my phone.
Another plus of not spending money on myself is that I have the freedom to spend money on others. Mainly:
-I started fully tithing! That is a big deal because I've always wanted to be faithful to God in this aspect, but always made excuses about needing that extra $20 instead of giving it to the Lord.
-I've become a more generous tipper. I've always been a generous tipper, at least 18-20% because my serving friends have shared with me the discouragement of dealing with stingy customers. I am very much a believer that when you go out to eat you should be prepared to tip. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to go out to eat. So twice now I've felt the financial freedom to leave a tip equal to what the bill of my meal was. The smaller of the two instances is this: I went to Huey's, got soup and my check was only $4.75, so I left a $5 tip. It's not a big deal, but for my state of heart it was.
There's also a sense of peace of knowing what's in my house and in my closet. Always bringing home new stuff, having to rearrange things, having to clean things to make room for more things, it was unnerving without me even realizing it. Now that it's been a few weeks and there's been nothing new to add to my house or closet, so:
-I know what I have and as I become more familiar with my things and ACTUALLY USE THEM I know whether or not I really like them or if they were purely an impulse buy
-Not adding new stuff to the mix means I can actually keep my house clean. So it's transformed me externally and internally. I feel at peace at home because there's material-stability now. And a sense of mental peace has flown over to a state of physically peace. I can do the dishes or the laundry without worrying about decorating the rest of the house or what pieces of laundry to keep and discard and what else I need to buy. (As I read this, these first world problems are making me roll my eyes.)
There's also a sense of peace of knowing what's in my house and in my closet. Always bringing home new stuff, having to rearrange things, having to clean things to make room for more things, it was unnerving without me even realizing it. Now that it's been a few weeks and there's been nothing new to add to my house or closet, so:
-I know what I have and as I become more familiar with my things and ACTUALLY USE THEM I know whether or not I really like them or if they were purely an impulse buy
-Not adding new stuff to the mix means I can actually keep my house clean. So it's transformed me externally and internally. I feel at peace at home because there's material-stability now. And a sense of mental peace has flown over to a state of physically peace. I can do the dishes or the laundry without worrying about decorating the rest of the house or what pieces of laundry to keep and discard and what else I need to buy. (As I read this, these first world problems are making me roll my eyes.)
So that's what I've been experiencing so far. It'll be interesting to see where I'm at in the next 3 weeks!
