Encouragement

It was two days ago that I had an emotional moment.

I cried to my husband and let everything out.  It's like the straw that broke the camel's back kind of thing.  One little thing added to the pile of stress and disappointment that is 2015 and I was down for the count.

I think one of my major struggles of 2015 was never feeling "good enough."  Struggling to feel like I belonged and fit in and could be good enough.

And I just broke.

I don't get a lot of compliments (and if I do, I must not register them).  No one tells me they're proud of me.  Not my parents.  Not my husband's parents.  Not my friends.  Not even my dear, sweet husband who I know loves me so much.  And it's funny how those four little words means so much.

"I'm proud of you."

In four days we'll be heading to Myrtle to spend Christmas Eve with my husband's family.  I am really excited to see them and spend time with them, but I'm also a little devastated that I won't be in town to be part of our church's first Christmas eve service.  I really wanted to be here.  I've been there for all of the other church firsts and it just doesn't feel right to be away and miss this.  One, to not be able to invite anyone and accompany them the day of.  Two, to not be able to greet our regulars and newcomers.  Three, just to miss out for myself.

So I was already kind of bummed about that and everything else I was feeling.

Then today, a friend brought the friend they have been bringing a friend the last few Sundays.  I'm glad she's been coming and I make it a point to greet her every time she comes.

Today I find out she's taking the step to volunteer on Christmas eve and I'm so excited she is because that's one major way to get plugged in and develop relationships.

As they're walking out I say goodbye and they ask if I'll be there Christmas eve.

"What?  You're not going to be here?!"

"I know, I'm bummed about it too, but we're headed to Myrtle."

"Like Myrtle Beach?"

Laugh out loud, "No, actually Myrtle, Mississippi right outside of New Albany."

"Oh, that's not bad then, an hour or two away, right?"

I nod.

"Well, what's this place going to do without you?  You're such a light!  They need your light, girl!"

She didn't have to say that.  There was no reason for her to say it.  We're not close friends.  She didn't know I needed to hear it.  It was so sweet and so genuine and so natural that it completely caught me off guard."

I hugged her and wished them Merry Christmas...

...and her words have been ringing in my head since then.

This coming from a new acquaintance, someone who doesn't know me as well and have the same responsibility as a close friend to encourage me--it means something.  Like I would value it if a friend told me that, definitely.  But like this, genuine and off the cuff, it means maybe more--well, maybe not more, but differently.

And even though those weren't the four words exactly, it still almost felt like someone was telling me they were proud of me.

Maybe internally my heart knows that it was God encouraging me after the emotional break-down this weekend.  Him saying, "Look, you are glorifying Me!  And that's the most important thing, that your light shines so that people see Me!  And you're doing that!  Good job!"

Maybe I'm reading into it a little, but that's how my heart feels at the moment.  And that's enough for right now to keep me going, to make it to the end of 2015.

Thank You, Lord, for Your sometimes seemingly abstract and meaningful encouragement.  Thank You for always being there.  I love you, God!